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Troubled Marriage

My advice on a man with a troubled marriage.

Everyone!  Please check out this video!  It should really help everyone if they have a troubled marriage too!

 

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My wife and I have been married now for 13 years. We have 4 kids ranging from 3 to 12 years of age. While we’ve had minor problems in our marriage, I never thought that things would be how they are now. We’ve always been extremely affectionate and caring towards each other. We’ve been best friends and always by each others side thru thick and thin. We never had more than a couple friends, and they were all common between us, but not extremely close.

Occasionally, I was forced to leave for 5 days at a time for work (I work at a family owned business, so that adds more stress to our marriage), and she would be extremely upset about my absence. One of the absences happened a week after the birth of our 3rd daughter, when she was going through a difficult bout of post partem. She had a difficult time with me out of town, a baby with colic and a pre-k and 1st grade aged girls running around. We fought the whole time I was gone, but reconciled after I returned and she had a few weeks to calm down.

Around this time, my wife wanted to go back to school to pursue her degree in and I was able to support her in doing so. She since has been working part time in a local hospital.

After the birth of my son, my wife started to experience symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. We were back and forth between neuros and other specialists trying to come up with a diagnosis, but never were able to find one. Throughout it all we remained together and strong. The symptoms seemed to recede after 4 months and things have been better health wise for her. In the meantime, I’ve been able to eliminate the out of town trips.

The past year or so, life has been extremely hectic. Both my older daughters play travel softball, with my wife coaching one of the teams. We would both go to all the games, which usually consisted of me watching the younger two while my daughters played and my wife coached. Throughout practices and coaches, my wife became friendly with many of the parents as did I. Pretty soon though, my wife started to withdraw, and I found myself watching the kids more and more while she went out practices, then over to other parents houses with the older two. She would be texting other parents constantly, on facebook more often, just disconnected.

More recently, she has started going out once a week with a group of coworkers from her hospital, and has been much less affectionate towards me. She no longer would snuggle in bed, hold my hand without prompting, etc. Complete 180 from how our life used to be. Sex started to become monotonous and when I brought all this up to her, she said she wanted to be her own person, that we were too close, but that she agreed on the sex and would try to spice things up.

Last week, after I came home from work, she ended up going out with friends almost every night. I’ve had this pit in my stomach and couldnt take it any longer. When I talked to her about it, she grew upset, saying that for years shes been telling me I needed to be more attentive, and that if I kept it up she wouldn’t be like that any longer. I can’t snuggle with her, sit next to her on the couch. If I call her during the day, I’m being smothering. If I text her too much I’m being smothering. She wants space to reconsider her life and who she is, and I just feel like crawling into a hole. I love this woman so much and would move heaven and earth for her. I try to talk to her about it, but it just ends up in an argument. She constantly brings up when I was out of town and how she felt then is how I feel now and that she needs space and I need to give it to her.

In the meantime, shes still going out to bars with friends, she’s lost weight and is at her college figure. Shes buying new cocktail dresses and outfits and looks amazing…. then she goes out wearing them to clubs with friends. I don’t think she’d ever cheat, her mother cheated on her father when she was in her late teens and still has issues about that. I feel so hopeless as its almost impossible to spend time with her when she’s with other people all the time. And to top things off, we’re set to close on a new house in 11 days. I cry myself to sleep more often than not, and my kids have caught me a couple times tearing up. She wants her space, and says when shes ready she’ll come to me, but all I want to do is hold her close and not to let go….

 

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